Warfare as a Warrior

 


              Hi guys! Well, I haven't written in about 3 months...
 
  To be honest, I've been struggling and I was afraid to share the wretched part of my Warrior journey.   I had been praying about a topic for my next post, but every time I thought of anything, I argued with the Lord saying, "But Lord, I'm not much of a warrior right now, I can't post that." And in my quiet time recently, I could not stop asking myself and God this following question:


  What does it mean to even be a Warrior?  How can I be the best warrior I can be, if I don't know what comes with being a warrior.


    I started studying the meaning of "warrior". The definition of warrior is "A person engaged in warfare; soldier; some one of valor, strength, courage. I read this over and over and one word seemed to stick out to me.


                                          Warfare.
 
  So I started looking up Scripture talking about warfare.
  - 2 Corinthians 10:4 says "For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds." (KJV)
Ephesians 6:12 confirms that, as well, telling us that what we fight against is not of flesh and blood; but against spiritual wickedness.
  To me, these verses are saying that our weapons that we use in spiritual warfare, are not physical weapons. The weapons we use are through God only. But what spiritual weapons do we use then?


  In 1st Timothy 1 verse 18, Timothy is being charged to "war a good warfare." Verse 19 then says "Holding faith and a good conscience..." (KJV)
  Then Hebrews 4:12 says "For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
Philippians 4:6&7 tells us to be in prayer and thanksgiving.
In Matthew 24 Jesus is talking about the things that will happen and warning the disciples but tells them in verse 13 that the one who endures to the end will be saved.
Romans 12:2 tells us not to be conformed to the world, but to be transformed by the renewing of your mind. In the world, but not of it.




  After studying this, I was immediately convicted and I knew exactly why I had been struggling. I wasn't in The Word nearly as much as I should have been. I lost faith that His Word is sharper and quicker than anything I could do. I quickly remembered the day I stopped being consistent in my daily devotions and quiet time with The Lord. I hurt my knee at work a couple months back and had to go to the doctor to make sure I hadn't torn something and wouldn't have to have surgery again. I was so angry that I had gotten hurt, that when I got to the doctor and they went to weigh me, I stepped on the scale forward (I normally get on backwards) and looked at the numbers.


  It was a huge trigger. I was in an awful mood the rest of the day and have been struggling with my weight, body image, and the temptation to starve and relapse ever since. I knew I shouldn't have looked. I felt the Lord prick me as soon as I stepped on. My mom even said "Nichole, why don't you step on backwards?" To which, in my rebellious spirit, I said no.




  I let my anger control me instead of resisting the temptation to look at my weight and stay in surrender to the Lord with my Eating Disorder. I stayed angry for a while too. Instead of captivating my thoughts into the obedience of Christ like 2 Corinthians 10:5 tells me to, when I was tempted. I stopped delving into the Word of God as much; I sat there and let the devil attack me. I stopped reading my Bible every day. I stopped praying every free chance I got. I stopped studying the many things that I had been learning. 
  Don't get me wrong, I didn't quit altogether. I just wasn't walking as close to Him as I should have been. I still read and stuff, but not as much as I have been personally convicted to in order to combat the devil's schemes.




  Now, back up to 1 Timothy. Starting in verse 3 and 4, it says:
"As I urged you when I went into Macedonia, stay there in Ephesus so that you may command certain people not to teach false doctrines any longer, or to devote themselves to myths and endless genealogies. Such things promote controversial speculations rather than advancing God's work- which is by faith."


  So first we see that false teaching and by believing lies/myths that we are only promoting controversy, and pretty much hindering God's work, which is what I was doing by letting the numbers on that scale control me. Which sounded really harsh to me at first, but listen to verse 5:
"The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith."
Then verse 6 and 7 are saying that some have turned away and turned to meaningless talk; that they want to teach, but don't even know what they are talking about.
After I read this, I was thinking "Okay, Lord are you trying to say you love me or that I'm just stupid and don't know what I'm talking about?"


Skipping down to verse 9 and 10b it says "We know that the law is made not for the righteous but for law breakers and rebels, the ungodly and sinful, the unholy and irreligious...and for whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine..."
Who? Me? Never. Only sometimes...Okay, maybe a little more than sometimes... Okay, fine. More than sometimes. But only always!


So though it was humbling to me to have to admit that even in this stage of wanting to grow and become more Christ like, I'm still a law breaker; I'm still rebellious, sinful and everything else it says. I read this and was tempted to beat myself up at first, but I stopped and thought, "Wait a minute, that means this is for me. The encouragement is for me. I need this!"
  Even though the devil tries to tempt us to read the Word of God and beat ourselves up with it, we can take it and beat him over the head with it. Thank you, Satan, for reminding me again of why I have such a desperate need for my Savior, Jesus.


  Moving on, through verse 11, it says the law is also "for whatever else is contrary to sound doctrine that conforms to the gospel concerning the glory of the blessed god, which he entrusted to me."
Throughout verses 12-14 Paul was saying how he was once a blasphemer, violent man, acted in ignorance and unbelief but even still the grace of The Lord was poured out on Him abundantly, as well as faith and love.


  In verse 15 He says "here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners- of whom I am the worst." (But as Levi the poet says, "I swear sometimes I think I've got that guy beat.")
He goes on to say that Jesus displays immense patience and mercy for example to those that will receive eternal life, then thanks Him.




  Now, back up to the verse I used earlier in 1 Timothy 1:18-19 telling Timothy to hold faith and a good conscience, but Paul says, "...which some have put away concerning faith have made shipwreck." (KJV)
 The NIV version of this says
"Holding onto to faith and a good conscience, which some have rejected and so have suffered ship with regard to the faith." WOAH!
  This hit me like a ton of bricks in the face. It was confirmation for me. Of course the reason I was struggling was because I rejected The Lord's convictions and let go of some of my faith. It said it right there.


  So does that mean I am no longer the warrior I feel so called to be?
Part of the definition of a warrior is someone who is engaged in warfare.
To be engaged in something is to be fully involved in an activity; it is to occupy the attention or efforts of a person. I was still involved in the warfare, but I wasn't giving it my full attention. I wasn't focused. I wasn't fully engaged.


Colossians 3:2 says "Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth."
Matthew 6:33a says "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness..."
Proverbs 4:25 says "Let thine eyes look right on, and let thine eyelids look straight before thee."
(All KJV)


  Those verses don't say you only have to do that sometimes, or just a little bit. No, they are full on commands, and require full on commitment and full engagement.


  But how do we know that following these commands will even help?
Well, Proverbs 16:3 says "Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans." (NIV)
And Hebrews 11:6 says "But without faith it is impossible to please Him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him" (KJV)
James 1:21 says "Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls." (KJV)


God promises help when we commit ourselves to Him. He even tells us in His word that He seeks out those who are fully committed to Him.
-2 Chronicles 16:9a NIV "For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him."
 What I find extremely interesting about this verse too, is that the very next part of it says "You have done a foolish thing, and from now on you will be at war."
  I was so foolish and blind. If I had read like I should have been I would have seen this. I had the answers right in front of my face and refused to accept it. Before my rebelliousness, I had been studying the Chronicles and I was in the 2nd Chronicles when I stopped reading consistently. 
 (Coincidence? I think not. Haha, I'll learn one of these days!)




  So, now I am trying my hardest to get back on track. I asked my mom recently to get some of my old Meal Plans back out and I copied them and am trying to get back into healthy eating patterns and thoughts.
The meal plan is a personal accountability thing for me, and I have been so ashamed and embarrassed to let anyone know. I have been so prideful, and haven't been staying on top of it because I didn't want anyone to see that I was struggling.
I didn't want people to know that there was still a wretched part of me. But that's why the Lord convicted me to start this blog in the first place. I am still wretched. But I am now engaged back into warfare.


  I've also decided that even though it is getting colder, I will not allow myself to wear long sleeves constantly this winter. During this time of struggle, the devil has tempted me so much with, "It's time for long sleeves...that means you can cut and hide it!" But I refuse to break the 7 months clean the Lord has gotten me through. I also plan on asking my mom and other mentors/friends for additional accountability. Writing this in general knowing some people might read this is also more accountability.


  So even though I have to say I am wretched; through Christ, I can say that


                                     Now, I'm a warrior.