Coping VS Victory

 


   Hi everyone!
So, this post is actually going to be very hard for me to write. It's a subject very close to my heart and I've been reading about it and praying about it for a while now. Why it is hard is because in order to write this, I have to be transparent, and the forbidden "V" word....yes, vulnerable.

  This post is about coping/victory. Most people know what it means to cope with something. I had not ever heard of "coping" before I started on my journey to recovery. Yes, you read right. I said recovery. Some of you know my story, but as for those who don't, allow me to (while arguing with The Lord about doing this because I'm nervous) tell you.

  I struggle with an Eating Disorder, cutting and a Mental illness.... Now, I'm not writing this so that I can either get people's sympathy or praise. I'm writing this so I can share what I've learned through Christ and hopefully show someone who might be struggling as well that it is possible. 

   

  I was a competitive gymnast for 11 years and was very serious in it. I started at 4 and from then on it was pretty much all my life consisted of (averaging about 20 hours of practice a week when I got older). It was my life, my passion. I grew up in a Christian home with great parents but never really understood who God was. By the time I wanted to, I was so deep into living a life of sin, I justified all that happened.

    I was 11 the first time I cut, if I recall correctly. It wasn't often, but over the course of the past 5 or 6 years, it escalated to every day, multiple times a day, all over my body. At 12, I was telling myself I needed to lose weight, was fat, always pinching at my skin and observing my body in the mirror. By the time I was 13, I was full blown sucked into Anorexia Nervosa. Again, it progressed to get this bad over the past several years, not just started that way. I spent my life focusing on food; how I could hide it, flush it, throw it away, hide it up my sleeves, pants, or in my hair. I was exhausted all the time, dizzy, and looked like I was walking dead by the time I started getting help. I also started exercising obsessively. I would come home from 4 hours of practice and spend several more hours exercising at home until I literally could not any more. In the Psych field this is known as Anorexia Athletica. I was very, very deceptive and hid all of this from my parents and the majority of my friends. I was severely suicidal as well and struggled with major anxiety.
 Reading old journals and thinking back, I was about 9 the first time I remember begging God to let me die. At 15, I broke my back in gymnastics due to malnutrition. This was after being prone to pulling muscles, breaking other bones and hiding in the bathroom throwing up and feeling like I was going to pass out. I tried to stay in gymnastics, but my mom still didn't know I wasn't eating and wasn't healthy, so I also continued starving myself. Which made it where my body couldn't heal itself and I had to quit. I was devastated. To this day, I hate it, miss it and would go back in a heart beat if given the chance.

  My mom started noticing a little bit what I was doing and did what any mother should and watched me closer and tried to make sure I was doing what I should and not cutting. Mean while, I got more deceptive and secretive. In November of 2012, I went to a Christian Retreat by the name of Vida Nueva. Long story short, I should have died in a bathroom on that campus, due to the fact that I had cut vertically and was also deeper into the Disorder than ever before..but instead, I got caught by Wendi Hall. That same week we met up with someone who is still, to this day, my best friend. Her name is Cathy Lang and I never expected to get as close to her family as I did. She and my mom both were trying to push me into recovery and I fought it even harder. 

  February 5, 2013 I was put into the Psych ward at Trinity Hospital. In summary, I hit my knees and face before the Lord. I ended up with a feeding tube as a wake up call and also a constant, physical reminder of the sin I was living in. After I left the hospital, I pretty much started living at the Lang's house. They took me in as one of their own for about 9 months.  I would have been put into a facility specifically made for this stuff, but we didn't have health insurance at the time and they pretty much turned their house into a facility for me. I was then put in a 3 week program designed to treat my illness. After that, I was seeing a psychologist and dietitian/nutritionist weekly, along with a psychiatrist. Now, at 17 years old (18 in October), with MAJOR help by the Lord and the support of my family and friends, I have gotten better and am far into my journey of recovery. I'm not recovered, but I will get there. I'm still in therapy and still struggle, but no longer require babysitters, a meal plan, or to be on suicide watch 24/7.

 
  Now, onto coping and victory. But what does my story have to do with it? Everything, actually. Without God, I would be 6 feet under. To recover from crap like that, I believe there are 3 things you need: Mental help, physical help, and above ALL else, Spiritual help. You need Jesus. None of the rest matters if you aren't doing it with God. You will fail miserably every single time if you aren't. Trust me, I learned the hard way and it SUUUUUCKS. Actually, it still sucks sometimes because I'm reaping the consequences of it!

  See, in therapy, you are taught to "cope" and "deal" with crap. Cope, cope, cope, cope. I've heard it more times than I care to admit. You are never once taught that there is victory through Christ Jesus. (But, my friends, let me encourage you....there is. There is complete and utter victory. I've seen it first hand in Cathy Lang.)

  Being in therapy consistently for the past year or so has been good but also bad. Good, in that it has taught me how to manage my illness and how to handle things in a better manner.. It has been bad, however, teaching me to look at my illnesses from such a worldly view point. It was drilled into my head that there is no way I can ever get completely better, that this is just my life and my brain, that I can't help it. After deep prayer, I do believe that mental illnesses and all of that do have physical repercussions, but I also believe the reason for mental illnesses, disorders, addictions, etc. is a result of sin. I don't believe I would have ever struggled with the things I did and do, if I was truly living my life for God. Don't get me wrong, I definitely thought I was living right. I justified and twisted scriptures to fit how I wanted to live and subdue a guilty mind and heart. I do think I needed the therapy that I've had and the professional help, but honestly, none of it helped at all until I committed to the Lord to get better no matter what.


  Moving on... So, not even a month ago, I went to Youth Camp with my church and while I was there, The Lord blessed me with the opportunity to get to know one of the worship leaders there. I met an amazing woman of Christ named Rebecca Waycaster. She and her band Heartcry (go check 'em out!) were all amazing. Anyways, I initially talked to Becca just to tell her that I loved her voice and watching her worship. Later in the week we ended up having a real conversation and she told me her story and ended up asking about me because she saw the scars on my arm. I was open and real with her. After talking with her for a while, she noticed that I talked about coping a lot and eventually cut me off and said, in paraphrase, "Stop talking about coping!! Enough! You don't need to cope. You can have complete freedom."

 I replied saying that I knew I could have freedom but it just wasn't for me right now, and that it would come in the Lord's timing but in the mean time, I just had to keep coping. She asked me then, if I had ever read the word "cope" in the Bible once, and asked if I had ever read about people in The Bible having to cope. Before I could answer she said "No! Because your savior is more powerful than that. By saying your only option is to cope, you are putting Him in a box and not believing that He has the power to heal you. No more talk about coping, Nichole. None. I don't want to hear you say that word again."

 
   I was definitely taken back but it did make me think and start praying about it. She was right. The Bible doesn't say the word "cope" once at all! So why was I so consumed with it? Why was my life all about coping with this crap? I'm forever thankful I got to meet Becca and will hopefully get to stay in contact with her even though she's traveling a lot. I can honestly say she had a part in changing my life.
Since coming home from camp, I've been studying all of this "coping" stuff more. I searched and searched in the Bible for scripture about coping and tried finding something including coping... I couldn't! Nothing. At first, I was really discouraged because I began to think "Does that mean this past year and everything I've done in my recovery for the Lord was a waste?" 

No! Of course not! Though I was still trying to recover using the worlds way, rather than God's, my focus has been to recover with the power of God and for God. I wrote a short sermon for Fine Arts in 2013 that was about Victory and I went back and read it and started studying more on victory as well.  What does it mean to cope? And what does it mean to have actual victory?

~This applies to those who aren't currently struggling with anything too, by the way, because the Bible promises you will have struggles. So keep reading. It is better to prepare yourself, instead of repair yourself.
Jesus says in John 16:33- "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have peace. In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (NIV)~


  Let me start with the definition of "coping": to struggle or deal; wrestle; strive; persevere; seeking to master.
Coping is almost kind of like something to do, to help just a little while you aren't free yet. To struggle through, pretty much. It is to wait. Well, Scripture talks about waiting, right? Indeed, it does.

  Isaiah 40:31(NIV)  says
"But those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint."
Hope is the belief that something can change; hoping, waiting, if you will, for the Lord!

Isaiah 41:10 "So do not fear, for I am with you;
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (NIV)


1 Peter 5:6&7 says "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.  Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

In DUE time. Meaning, in The Lord's timing, not mine.
Then James 1:12 talks about how the one who perseveres is blessed and how that person will win victory.
"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him." (NIV)
  2 Corinthians 4:17 talks about our struggles and afflictions being temporary and for just a moment but the eternal glory we will receive outweighs it. It says "For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory;" (KJV)

Psalms 37: 7-9 says "Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. For evildoers shall be cut off: but those that wait upon the Lord, they shall inherit the earth." (KJV)

Isaiah 33:2 "O Lord, be gracious unto us; we have waited for thee: be thou their arm every morning, our salvation also in the time of trouble." In Habakkuk 1, Habakkuk is calling out to the Lord saying "How long do I have to wait and call out?" and Jesus answers in chapter 2 saying
 "Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets, so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." (vs 3 NIV) Okay, so how is it wrong to wait on the Lord and to struggle? The Bible tells us to wait and that we will struggle! I was so confused when I was studying this and was just questioning everything I had learned up to this point so I just continued pouring myself into scripture and praying about it and this is the conclusion I came to.
    There are different ways to wait. You can act while you wait. There's a balance between waiting on The Lord and waiting on the Lord while you work for The Lord! So how do I do that?

Well, John 5:39 says "Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me."  (KJV)
Study The Bible. Search out in Jesus what you need. The word testifies of God, himself. To diligently study scripture is a way to act while you wait.  But how?

2 Timothy 3:16a says "All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,"
and
1 Corinthians 2:13a says "This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words.."
If you are in the Word, you will be taught and be trained. He teaches you! See,

John 1:1 says "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." (NIV)
And it also says
  "For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." -Hebrews 4:12 (NIV)
and
  "Is not my word like fire,” declares the Lord, “and like a hammer that breaks a rock in pieces?" -Jeremiah 23:29 (NIV)

  So God is the Word and the Word is God, which means that according to those verses God is alive and active; God penetrates your very heart, but not only that, He does it like fire! And I don't know if you've ever played with fire, but in my personal experience, fire spreads and engulfs things very, very fast.

Then, Psalms 46:1 says "God is our refuge and strength,
    an ever-present help in trouble." (NIV)
And Leviticus 26:9 says He "will look on you with favor and make you fruitful and increase your numbers, and I will keep my covenant with you." (NIV)
Along with
2 Peter 3:9 saying that The Lord is not slow to fulfill the promises He's made us. What promises you ask?
 
  Well, Psalms 25:9 says "He guides the humble in what is right
    and teaches them his way." (NIV)
-  2 Peter 1:4 "Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." (NIV)
-  Matthew 11:28-29 "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls." (KJV)
-  Philippians 4:19 "And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus."


   When I was studying this I was like, "Okay, Lord, thank you. That's all great and good but why am I not receiving these promises?" And I felt like God was saying to me,
  "Nichole, fire engulfs what is in it's path. Get in My fire, get in My way, walk into My fire. I can't consume you if you won't come to Me."

And immediately I remembered the verse I just wrote up there in Matthew. Jesus says "Come to me!" You have to go to Him! So I dug further in and found this:

In Isaiah 33 they were praying to God in verse 2, crying, "O Lord, be gracious unto us; we have waited for thee: be thou their arm every morning, our salvation also in the time of trouble." (KJV) Then in Isaiah 51 we see this come to life in them! It says in verse 11,
  "Therefore the redeemed of the Lord shall return, and come with singing unto Zion; and everlasting joy shall be upon their head: they shall obtain gladness and joy; and sorrow and mourning shall flee away." (KJV)

  Psalms 37:5 "Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass." (KJV)
  James 4:7 "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." (NIV)
  Psalms 25:5 Davis was saying to the Lord "Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long." and again He is talking to the Lord saying in 119:11  "Thy word have I hid in mine heart, that I might not sin against thee." (KJV)
The word says in Isaiah 55:11 says that His word will not come back empty or void. Which is a promise. I've learned if the Lord says it, it is a promise. He confirms that in Matthew 5: 37 saying "But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one." (NKJV)

Commit, submit, then watch The Lord act!

  See, 1 Corinthians 15: 54a &55 says
"When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.” Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"
Meaning that our Victory is assured. It's finished. We already have it. Jesus even says on earth "It is finished" when he died on the cross for us, which is what won us the victory!
  So, that means Becca was right, we don't have to cope. We already have the victory! Not saying that you won't still struggle. I still struggle. I still have panic attacks regularly. I still get tempted to starve myself and be consumed with my body in weight. I still get triggered by small things and want to go into an episode. But the difference is now, I act while I wait on the Lord. I'm learning to not cope.
   See, Psalms 145:14 says "The LORD upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down." So, yes I'm going to fall, but He still holds and catches me. If I humble myself, he lifts me up. In paraphrase Proverbs 24:16a says that the righteous will fall 7 times, but they also stand up 8.
I have to forget the past and strain forward like Paul says in Philippians 3. He says, I can't say I've taken hold of it completely, but I can say that I'm pressing on. I can say I've won the victory.

When I'm tempted to say that I will never get through all this crap and I will always be mentally crazy, I remember that Psalms 108:13a says "With God we will gain the victory..."
and I remember that Romans 8:37 says that we are MORE than conquerors. That in Revelations 21:6-7 The Lord says "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To the thirsty I will give water without cost from the spring of the water of life. Those who are victorious will inherit all this, and I will be their God and they will be my children."
I am a child of The King, therefore I inherit victory.
Victory means to have complete success and triumph in a battle or war.
And because I have the victory, I can rejoice always, like 1 Thessalonians 5:16 says to! My spirit can rejoice in The Lord just like in Luke 1.
  I'm still in a war and battle, but I know with my Lord, I have the victory.
I am not my illness. I am the victor.

           Now, I'm a warrior!





 

GET NAKED!

        

 

 

   So, not only is this a popular topic on blogs and in conversations these days, but modesty has been a recent conviction of mine and also has been weighing heavy on my heart.  I've read multiple, multiple other people's blogs and opinions on modesty and bathing suits (being that it is summer). And the most important part of this, I've read what The Bible says about modesty and I've been praying about it.

  I do believe people have personal convictions so I'm not saying that anyone who doesn't do what I say is wrong or going to Hell. I think God convicts people differently. This is just what I've been convicted on and my opinion.

A couple summers ago, before I thought about modesty from God's point of view, I was going swimming at a friends and realized my bikini had broken, so I decided I would wear something else... a sports bra. Immediately, I was laughed at and made fun of. Why? My sports bra actually covered more of my body than my bikini did. People think there is such a huge difference in a bathing suit vs a bra but really the only difference is the material used. So why was I so embarrassed and ashamed? I felt the Lord prick me and I remember thinking of the verse in Genesis when Adam and Eve made themselves undergarments. Even in their undergarments, which covered what in my opinion were the "important parts" they still hid; why? I realized the only verse on modesty that I had personally read, was that one. Uh-oh!!
When I first started studying this whole modesty issue and praying about it, I was stuck on what my thoughts were about what "nakedness" is. The worlds opinion on what naked is, is being bare, without any clothing. But what does the Bible say nakedness is? And so begins my starting point on studying modesty.

 

 Let's get bare and without anything covering; naked, if you will, about nakedness and modesty.

 

  Honestly, I used to be ALLLLL about getting naked. Skinny dipping, streaking through the streets, being naked any time I could.

 BUT 

 

  I've learned that if the Bible doesn't talk positively about something at all,

why should I think positively of it? And if you study, you will see that the Bible, outside of a few exceptions, does not talk about nakedness positively at all. Quite the opposite actually.

The first time nakedness is mentioned in the Bible is Genesis 2:25 saying "Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame." (NIV)

  Now, reading on, the next time it is mentioned is chapter 3 vs. 7 and it says that they realized they were naked. Their eyes were opened to the fact that they were naked, and once they realized it, they made themselves coverings. Then in verse 10 Adam responded to God asking him where he was saying, "...I was afraid, because I was naked; so I hid." 
 
They were ashamed that they were naked once they realized that they were. Why be ashamed? Why were they afraid? Why should we be afraid?
  Nakedness, when mentioned in the Bible is typically presented as shameful and degrading. Genesis 9:21 says Noah got drunk and naked in his tent and his sons went and covered him up so they wouldn't see their father naked.
In Exodus 20:21 the Isrealites were told not to go up on the altar in a certain way or their nakedness would be exposed. God didn't want their nakedness discovered.

Exodus 32 they made an idol, the golden calf. Moses went to Aaron upset that they had made this statue and Aaron responded saying "they are set on mischief", (vs22) then verse 25 says "...Moses saw that the people were naked; for Aaron had made them naked unto their shame among their enemies." (KJV)  
They were made naked as a punishment, so that they would feel shame.

2 Chronicles 28:19 says "For the Lord brought Judah low because of Ahaz king of Isreal; for he made Judah naked, and transgressed sore against the Lord." (KJV)
and the NIV version of that same verse says " The Lord had humbled Judah because of Ahaz king of Isreal, for he had promoted wickedness in Judah and had been most unfaithful to the Lord."
  The New International version calls nakedness in the KJV, wickedness. 

Isaiah 47 is talking about the fall of Babylon and in the fall, the Lord says in verse 3 "Thy nakedness shall be uncovered, yea, thy shame shall be seen." (KJV)

Other verses it is talked about negatively are Ezekiel 16:35-36, when it talks about adultery;
    Luke 8:27 talks about a demon possessed man who was naked and when he was freed, the people came and saw the man free, and clothed sitting at Jesus' feet. (vs. 35);
    Revalations 3:17 talks about a boasting person saying they have everything but the Lord says they have nothing, 'you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.' (NIV);
      Again, in Revalations, chapter 16 vs 17 says "Look, I come like a theif! Blessed is the one who stays awake and remains clothed, so as not to go naked and be shamefully exposed."
(NIV)  then chapter 17 vs 16 talks about a whore and to be punished she will be made "desolate and naked."

 Hmm.. Am I the only one seeing nudity and shame being connected?

 

The only time nudity is free of shame is in Eden's perfect place or in marital relations.

The naked body is not a sin, but the Bible portrays public nudity as disgraceful.  Okay, but what does the Bible say nudity actually is? How can I stay away from shame God calls nakedness if I don't know what He considers nakedness. So what is "naked"?

Well, Exodus 28:42 says "And thou shalt make them linen breeches to cover their nakedness; from the loins even unto the thighs they shall reach."

Linen breeches being their under garments and loin is your waste (like above your belly button!) and I'm pretty sure everyone knows what their thighs are. ;)

 

Our typical definition of nakedness is "without clothing" but the Bible says improperly covered bodies are still naked.

   In 1 Chronicles 15 when the Levites went to praise the Lord and also bring up the ark of the covenant, verse 27 says David wore an "ephod of linen".  I can only say in my personal opinion, that if it is in the Bible at all, it must be important and meant to be taken note of. So when I read that I went and studied what the crap an "ephod" was. It could help me figure out what parts of the body the Lord had them cover, showing me what I should cover. From what I've read not only online, but also in my Bible, an ephod is almost like an apron or skirt. The Bible describes them in Exodus 28 but it doesn't say how long it was. Ephods were only worn by the priests, as they were fine clothing and designed only for the high priests.

 

 

  Isaiah 20 The Lord spoke through Isaiah saying "Go and loose the sackcloth from off thy loins, and put off thy shoe from thy foot. And he did so, walking naked and barefoot. And the Lord said, Like as my servant Isaiah hath walked naked and barefoot..."

I take this verse and think maybe that sackcloths and linen breeches (their undergarments) are different so even in their undergarments that covered their back, shoulders,  (Genesis 9) waste and thighs, they were considered naked.

 

 

 

  Now there's one thing that many people get confused on when talking about modesty. People begin to believe they are responsible for the lusts that others may have because of their body, but let this be clear: Matthew 5:29 "But I say unto you, That whosever looketh on a woman to lust after hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." (KJV)

 

AND 1 John 2:16 says "For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father but is of the world." 

 

  Everyone is responsible for their own hearts' worldly desires and the guarding of their hearts against lust. If someone looks at you with lust in their eyes, it is their own fault, not yours. But that doesn't mean "If you got it, flaunt it." Just like you don't make fat jokes to someone struggling with an Eating Disorder because it might be something that tempts them to fall back to the disordered eating.

 

  1 Corinthians 8:13 says "Wherefore if meat make my brother to offend, I will eat no flesh while the world standeth, lest I make my brother to offend." (KJV)

In Nichole's version/paraphrase, if making fat jokes, as much as it is a habit, tempts or triggers my brother or sister, I will not make fat jokes. (No, I do not make fat jokes about people. Just making a point.)

 

 

  We as girls especially tend to read the Scripture talks about making someone stumbling in sin, and carry it upon ourselves as if it our responsibility to keep them from stumbling. We are all going to stumble, but why make it harder on each other? That's the main point. When we let ourselves take the weight of being a stumbling block to someone with lust, say at the pool or at the beach, we (or atleast I do) start asking ourselves questions that most often lead to self hatred and beating ourselves up.

 

 

Is my butt lust-worthy? My boobs are nasty, no one will lust, will they? I'm fat, no one will find me attractive. I'm too skinny, you can see my ribs, no one likes that. Should I cover my legs? My stomach is pretty gross too....maybe it doesn't matter what I wear because I'm just overall repulsive.

 

What we should be asking ourselves is, is what I'm wearing pleasing to The Lord? If He was here, would He question my modesty and appearance? 1 Timothy 2:9 tells us as Christians that we should "adorn ourselves in modest apparel"; am I doing that? Well what does the Lord personally tell me that modesty is?

 

 

 

For me, yes, clothing, bathing suits, etc. are all a big factor in modesty, but I believe modesty is also an attitude, even in the clothes you are wearing. Matthew 6:28-30 talks about being preoccupied with the clothing you wear itself, is an indicator of loving yourself and focusing on yourself, above God. In Ephesians, Paul addresses it talking about how the elites were known for extravagant wardrobes, flashy jewelry, elaborate hairstyles and all that crap. He paints that picture, then pretty much says "Don't do that crap."

My desire, now, is to dress in a way that shows my hearts desire is for the attention to be on God, not myself. I don't want people saying "You dress so modestly." or "Maybe you should be a little more modest" either way, it is drawing attention to me. Am I asking myself questions simply about me, or are my questions for the Lord's glory?

 

 

So the question I have been asking myself is this: "If my heart is truly after The Lord, and He was here, would his attention be on these clothes or my hearts desire for Him? 1 Samuel 16:7 says that man looks on the outward appearance but the Lord sees my heart, so does my heart reflect occupation with my clothes and my body, or a burning desire for my Lord and Savior?  When people look at me will they see me or my love for God?"

 

 

 

 

Wretched Warrior

Hi!! I'm Nichole.

  Finally, I have started a blog.  I've been praying about doing this for a while and would talk myself out of it, every time.
The reason I wanted to start a blog was because writing is a great outlet, and not only that, but as I'm writing, I learn.  I study what I write about and I learn as I'm simply writing or typing these things out. I think I will start with my blog name: "Wretched Warrior". 
This has actually been on my heart for a while now as I dig into The Word of God and pray. I am a wretched warrior. Sounds weird, I know, but let me explain what it means to me!

  I didn't choose this name so that people would argue with me and say "No, no, you're wonderful Nichole." I chose it because it is a reminder to me of who I am. As a sinner, I am wretched. But as a Jesus-lover, I am a warrior. 
Song of Songs 1:5 says, "Dark I am, yet lovely..." (NIV)

 Being the sinners that we all are, ("For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." Romans 3:23 NIV) we are stained; dark; wretched. But being in repentance for our sin and living for God, we are warriors.
For instance,
Isaiah 1:18 explains the 'dark but lovely'. It says,

 "Come now, let us settle the matter," says the LORD. 'Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.'" (NIV)

We are stained, wretched women and men, but with The Lord, we are made pure and lovely.  We are warriors in Christ Jesus. 
 
"Praise be to the Lord my Rock,
    who trains my hands for war,
    my fingers for battle.
He is my loving God and my fortress,
    my stronghold and my deliverer,
my shield, in whom I take refuge,
    who subdues peoples under me." - Psalms 144:1-2 (NIV)

  By studying The Word and getting to know our Savior, we are being trained up as the warriors we are.

I was hesitant on making this blog because to have one and let it be a source of Scripture and learning for some people or even just myself, I believe you have to be honest.... Transparent... vulnerable. And that's scary as crap! I will have to be open to what the Lord leads me in writing, even if that means someone reads this and finds out that I, even currently, struggle deeply. I will get more into that in the future but I don't want this to be too long! 
My point in this whole post is just an introductory on why I made this blog, and to let potential readers know that if you aren't wanting to read about what I'm learning about in Jesus, go find someone else's blog to read! I want to give my honest opinions and express my personal convictions but also get feed back, comments, opinions and corrections if needed from other people!
 
Enjoy!
 
  Nichole :)